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Safe People
Character Traits of Safe People
Unsafe Person
Think they have it all together
Act Religious (live in law/judgment)
Are defensive
Are self-righteous
Apologize but keep repeating the same mistakes
Avoid working on their problems
Demand trust
Act perfect
Blame others
Lie
Are stagnant
Avoid closeness
Concerned mostly about needs to self
Unsympathetic to others pain or emotions
Can’t set or respect boundaries
Confront with guilt and shame or not at all
Condemn
Create Parent/Child, Superior/Inferior relationships
Unstable over time
Negative influence on us
Gossip
Envious
Self-sufficient
Entitled
Dependent/Counterdependent (antidependent)
Self harming, self destructive
Struggles with intimacy
Insecure with attachment
Lives in law
Rejects negative parts of self / good parts of others. Focuses on good parts of self / bad parts of others.
Others controlling / others controlled
Safe Person
Admit their weaknesses
Are Spiritual (relationship comes first)
Are open to feedback
Are humble
Apologize and repent (change their behavior)
Deal with their problems
Earn trust
Admit their faults
Take responsibility for their actions
Tell the truth even when it hurts
Grow
Try to connect
Concerned also about the needs of others
Sympathetic to others’ pain or emotions
Allow people to say “NO” and respect it
Confront with truth in love and grace
Forgive
Desire and create equality in their relationships
Consistent over time (reliable)
Positive influence on us
Keep others’ secrets confidential
Genuine happiness for others’ success
Interdependent
Humble, giving, serving
Interdependent
Self care
Pursues intimacy
Feels secure with attachment
Lives in grace
Accepts self / others,
with both good and bad traits
Self controlled
Reference:
Safe People, © Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend, Zondervan 1995